connection.

sensitive humans, gather around and take a seat, this ones for you.

There’s something so comforting when another person lets you inside their mind. Each thought, each feeling, fully expressed. Every train of thought painted out in great detail. It’s a nice escape from my own head. I crave this type of connection. As a kid, as a teen, and even as an adult I’ve been told I talk too much. This hurts. This is how we connect, right? I can’t help that my mind races 1000 miles per second. Each thought at war with my mouth begging to be released. Does nobody care? I love when others drown out my thoughts with their own. Letting me live a tiny percentage of their life, just for a moment. Anyone else?

I’ve noticed I repeat myself often. I’ve always annoyed myself when I caught onto it, too. “Alyssa, why’re you repeating yourself. You’re so annoying.” No, I just don’t feel understood, or even heard. Does anybody hear me?

I’m sensitive. I’m highly emotional. I feel deeply. I’m an empath. I understand others even if it makes no sense to. We could’ve lived two completely different lives and I can still be capable of feeling every single sensation they’ve felt. Heartbreak? Tell me about it. First love? Spill. Trauma? You’re not alone. Struggling? Me too. I connect so easily. My heart has been so soft since birth. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s a beautiful trait that I truly haven’t seen in a lot of people. When will I find my people? I’ve outgrown all of my friends. (Yes, every. single. one. of. them.)

Crazy, how after that, “God, remove whoever and whatever isn’t for me” prayer, everyone disappears. Everyone.

At least now, this is a different loneliness. I may feel alone, but I’m never truly alone. Humanly speaking, we all crave some sort of connection or intimacy and that’s totally normal. We’re built to create relationships. Except, the one I’ve been chasing this whole time wasn’t attainable through human connection, but through a spiritual one. My heart was craving the One who created it, not the ones who destroy it. “Guard your heart” the Word says, I understand that now. Although, I love to connect with others through deep conversation, I no longer feel misunderstood or unheard without it. Because He understands me, He heard me. I don’t need validation, I don’t crave it anymore. And He’s making room for the right people to come into my life, and I’m so very thankful for that. I hope and pray that like-minded, sensitive people come into my path and grab a seat at my table. I would love to connect. I also make a mean latte.

with love, xoclem.