maybe someday, right?

wait, what.

I don’t think I’m the type of person to ever get over someone.

Yes, being in love and simply loving someone are two different things. Being in love, is being in awe. Of the way their eyes twinkle talking about their passion. The smile that creases across their lips when they realize you remembered a small detail they told you. Laughing uncontrollably at the stupid inside jokes you two made. Having that warm fuzzy feeling in your chest when your fingers gently touch. And loving someone… loving someone is being there despite the indifferences. Choosing them daily, even during hard times. Caring for their every need. Wanting the absolute best for them.

Being IN love, though…a bit more dreamy, right?

Anyway, you can totally fall out of love with someone. Right? We all have. Most of us have gone through breakups, and unfortunately I think most of us have gone through THAT breakup. Yeah….that one. Maybe they hurt you. Maybe they cheated. Whatever it was, you broke up for a reason. And that typically means you’re not in love with them anymore. No more butterflies when someone mentions their name. No more sitting infront of the mirror smiling as you get ready to go see them. Gone, but what about the love? Is that truly gone?

I often think about the ones I used to be in love with and find myself daydreaming. (Yeah, I do that a lot…) What’s crazy about this, is I’ve survived some pretty messed up guys. In no way shape or form do I miss those relationships, I literally escaped. Yet, I relive the good moments in my mind and hope they’ve changed. I hope they’ve grown into the wonderful men I always saw in them. Does this make any sense to anyone out there? I tend to fall in love with potential and I never really stayed long enough to see if that potential ever bloomed into something.

Being in a relationship now, *cough* marriage. It seems a bit taboo to talk about this with my husband. Although, I do. I don't think he gets it. he kind of gives me a weird look about 10 minutes in on my little rant. He’s not really an empath, either. I love him dearly, but I do wish he’d understand this part of me a bit more. Traditionally, logically, and morally… it totally sounds wrong to check up on said past guys I’ve had relationships with, right? But, if only others could see my heart’s intention. I selfishly want a teeny bit of “closure”, but mainly I want to see that over the years they’ve blossomed. I have. Have they? I still have a deep love for those I used to be in love with, and I’d find it odd if I didn’t. Love doesn’t just disappear.

Signing off, xoclem.